DARE

Are you behaving the way you think you are?

Mon, 21 May 2012 11:36:00 GMT

Have you ever thought, believed even, that you were behaving in a specific way only to have it pointed out that your language and actions say something different? It can be unsettling.

Here is an example. At work you have a small team of people working for you. You feel like you are stepping up to be a leader. You feel like you stand out from the crowd and that you are happy to tell others how things need to be to create success. Then someone points out to you that what they see is that you keep giving in to what the group wants and that for you it's more about the relationships you have versus really challenging the way things are done.

What's wrong with that? Nothing if you are achieving what you want and aren't feeling frustrated. If you are in a position of leadership though, your team might feel very frustrated because they could feel you say one thing and then you end up just going along with everybody else.

Why do we do this (be influenced by others vs having your own opinion and not caring whether others agree)? Because what you really want is to feel like you belong. In contrast, stepping into that other role as leader, your biggest fear is no longer about not belonging it is now about being respected. To behave the way you think you are (in this example) you need to get comfortable with having your own voice, your own identity as a leader.

Is it worth it to risk your biggest fear being realised? Only you can decide that. Ask yourself this - what is it costing you to stay where you are and behaving the way you do?

So are you behaving the way you think you are? How can you know? Get feedback!

Reinvent or evolve?

Thu, 10 May 2012 02:56:00 GMT

Our skills and knowledge have a shelf life otherwise there would be no need to learn, right? That being the case what do you choose to do? Reinvent yourself or evolve? Reinvention implies considerable change to the point you appear to be an entirely new person. Evolving is a more subtle gradual approach to making a change.

On some level we are always evolving, just look at technology and the way it has changed the way we work, communicate, interact and learn. Are you making a conscious choice to evolve in other areas? If you are a leader or a manager then the 'tried & tested' approach will only work for so long before you are unable to have the same impact or in fact become ineffective.

Have you heard of the 'Peter Principle'? It's a book from some 40 years ago where the famous main conclusion was 'In hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.' You've probably seen this happen or maybe you've even experienced it yourself where you were doing great in your role then you got promoted into a new role and you found yourself out of your depth. Would this principle still hold true if we continued to evolve or reinvent through new competencies?

I'm not sure whether the best choice is to evolve or to reinvent. Perhaps it depends on the need. If you find yourself in a role where you aren't as effective as you once were then maybe reinvention is the way to go. To avoid this situation altogether maybe constant evolution is the way to go.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” ~ Charles Darwin

Simple questions that get you moving

Mon, 07 May 2012 04:39:00 GMT

What question do you ask yourself when you are deciding whether or not to do something? Maybe you have different questions for different situations - to eat less, to cut down smoking, to do the housework, to take the lead on something, to go the extra mile for a client or customer etc.

Two questions I often asked when I was working in my previous role were - If not me then who? If not now then when? I did a lot of work in change management so they were appropriate at the time. Some times I was leading a team and some times I was part of a team that was implementing change. When you lead a team of peers whom you have no authority over the trap can be that there could be a lot of consensus based decision-making. Not a bad approach in some situations but in many others it can be paralysing for a team. Hence the questions - If not me then who (will make or force a decision)? If not now when (will a decision be made)?

It occurred to me that these two questions are just as valid now that I have my own business as it was back then. Maybe they are even more important because if I don't decide what to do, when to do something or even how to do something I'll get stuck in procrastination or I just wont move forward.

These questions aren't about control, they are about taking charge of my destiny/future.

What questions do you ask yourself to make things happen? If you don't have a question right now, what would be a great question for you?

Can you be humble and Self-Promote?

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 03:09:00 GMT

Some might consider this a paradox, absurd to believe you can be humble and self-promote at the same time, I'm not so sure. Maybe they can co-exist, maybe it's about how you go about it or the intent you have?

“Humility is the only true wisdom by which we prepare our minds for all the possible changes of life.” ~ George Arliss

As George points out humility or believing you always have more to learn allows us to accept feedback and make changes. If we have enough humility to own our mistakes people respect us. It's clearly a good trait to have as an individual and as a leader.

On the other hand if we do not self-promote how will people know what we do or even that we exist? If you are a business owner it is essential to promote your business which if you offer a service basically means promoting yourself.You could have a fantastic service, book etc. but if know one knows where to find you then you might not be in business for long.

If you are part of an organisation, particularly a large organisation the same is true. It's very competitive, fewer promotions available, less money for salary increases etc. how do you set yourself apart and let people know you exist? When you interviewed for the position in the first place you were in fact self-promoting, why would that change after you join?

One school of thought might argue that results and the way you achieve them should be enough and that's true when it reinforces what people already know about you. It gives you sponsors and supporters within a company and testimonials and referrals when you have your own business. Will it be enough?

“To establish oneself in the world, one does all one can to seem established there already.” ~ François La Rochefoucauld, Duc De

Perhaps it is a case of being humble when it comes to your leadership style and accepting accolades about what you have achieved etc. Perhaps there comes a time in your business or career that you are a 'known quantity' or achieved what you wanted so there is no need to self-promote. Perhaps it is a great big balancing act.

What do you think?

Unintended consequences of avoiding dealing with tough situations

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 02:48:00 GMT

When we avoid tough situations or potential conflict we could be inadvertently reinforcing or supporting the exact thing we don't want! You've probably see this happen, or maybe you've even done it yourself. Instead of calling someone on their behaviour or lack of action or poor choice etc. you keep quite telling yourself - 'it's not worth the aggravation' or 'it's not worth upsetting them, they're probably just having a bad day' or one of a long list of other reasons not to deal with it.

The problem with this approach is that if the individual doesn't learn or make changes then they will repeat it. If there are still no consequences then they have 'proof' that whatever it is they are doing is perfectly acceptable. One day soon you are left looking back and wondering what happened and why things are the way they are when it's clearly not what you want or need.

If you are a manager (parent, sports coach etc.) then you might believe that your actions (or inaction) will keep the peace or maybe you just don't know how to approach or deal with the situation. If that's the case then consider this: “Managing conflict is like riding a bicycle, all you need is balance and practice, practice, practice.” ~ Unknown It's not always easy and sometimes it's not very pleasant but everybody wins when you deal with these tough situations constructively.

Robert Townsend said: "One of the most important tasks of a manager is to eliminate his people's excuses for failure." If you believe this then you have to also believe that avoiding tough situations or potential conflict is not in the best interest of the other person or in the case of an organisation it's not in the best interest of the company or the other employees.

An organisations culture and individuals attitude is greatly impacted by not dealing with tough situations. Business suffers - low productivity and morale, high turnover of staff, poor business results etc.; Individuals suffer - their career is adversely impacted at some point because one day they will either get called on their behaviour/action or they will be in charge and unable to get the results they need.

Newton said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. What are the unintended consequences of actively avoiding a tough situation you have?

Dealing with Stress

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 02:57:00 GMT

It seems at the moment there is a lot of 'stress in the air'. Stress at work to perform and deliver more with less. Stress in the home to make the finances stretch further and cut spending. Stress at school and University for students to out perform others, work and study so they get a head start in a tight employment market. It seems to be everywhere and affecting many people.

There are many different things you can do to reduce your stress - meditate, yoga, take a deep breath, exercise, drink more water and less coffee, take a short walk outside, get a massage, take a short time out, picture yourself relaxed or even focusing on something in your environment.

Some of these things are quick and easy to do 'in the moment' some take a little time and effort to master. Some of these work for some people and not for others. I, for example, have not successfully mastered the art of meditation but there many things on this list I can do.

I found this quote the other day and I thought this has got to be one of the easiest things to do!

"When you find yourself stressed, ask yourself one question: Will this matter in 5 years from now? If yes, then do something about the situation. If no, then let it go." ~ Catherine Pulsifer

There are many things that make for a stressful environment, only we can make ourselves stressed and therefore we are are in the best seat to reduce our stress levels. This one simple question changes your focus and your perspective. It's easy enough to ask and easy enough to answer. The tricky part is 'letting it go'. Can you do that?

If you know the answer to Catherine's question is no and you can't let it go, ask yourself what benefit you are getting from hanging on to the stress. Seems like a strange question, I know, there will be something though - attention? Maybe it keeps you focused? Maybe it helps you avoid other truths? Or maybe it's something else entirely, there is some benefit.

Desire, the beginning of something great?

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 00:48:00 GMT

“The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires bring weak results, just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat.” ~ Napoleon Hill

If only wanting or desiring something made it materialise, life would be so much easier! This as Napoleon Hill suggests is just the beginning, a very important beginning. Without any great desire we wont do what needs to be done or be prepared to keep moving forward when things go wrong. We wont learn from mistakes and try a different approach if we don't really have the desire to achieve. With a strong desire we become more resilient and we go looking for ways and resources to get whatever it is we want.

We all desire or want something. Maybe we think of it as a goal that is just out or reach or a dream that will never happen. In those cases it just might be that we don't really want it badly enough.

Of course there are going to be times when we really want something, we give it out best shot and we still don't get it. Maybe we need to give it more time, maybe we need to get some help or approach it differently or maybe it's just not meant to be. One thing for sure though is that you don't have a strong desire it wont happen. Along with that desire needs to be a genuine belief that you can get it or even that you deserve it. Two critical first steps in a series of steps to achievement.

Another thing I thought about is breaking down the goal to the core of what I want. For example if you want a work assignment in China but you are offered a post in Taiwan instead. Did you achieve your goal? To answer that you have to know whether your goal was to specifically be in China or whether what you wanted was an overseas experience where you could immerse yourself in a new culture with a foreign language.

You see I've learned from personal experience that sometimes I express what I want in terms I believe are reasonable to achieve or that I 'know' (e.g. I know the company work for has a big location in China). What difference does it make? Well it assumes there is only 'one way' or 'one outcome' that will give me what I want, when clearly in some cases that just isn't true at all.

Food for thought....

When help isn't really help at all

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 05:23:00 GMT

Most of us have the instinct to protect and even rescue people we feel are being bullied, that are struggling with a task/activity or in the case of family, those that we love. When this goes too far or goes on for too long it can actually be 'harmful' to those we feel we are protecting.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not for one minute suggesting we don't intervene when there is danger about or even when people are struggling. The key is not to take away responsibility or accountability by encouraging somebody's 'story'. Let me give you an example.

I was listening to a radio talk back show about an individuals comments on the tragic death of another person and how they 'deserved it' and this individual was happy about it; also the subsequent defense by the individuals mother. They believed they were treated unfairly some time ago and decided every person that was in some way like the person who they believed wronged them should suffer. Obviously there is a lot to this story and not all the facts and actions are clear. That's not really the point. The thing that occurred to me about the individual was how they felt no responsibility for their own actions and blamed others for what happened.The mother was defending the actions of her child blinded by how she was continuing to enable the behaviour and promote the cycle. She believed both their actions and comments were justified and deserved.

“Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility.” ~ Albert Schweitzer

Bad things happen to good people and sometimes people are falsely accused. I get that. Is the answer to blame, excuse, deny or defend subsequent poor behaviour and choices? Or, is the answer to encourage ownership, accountability and responsibility and the choice about how to react and move forward?

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” ~ Denis Waitley

There are many people and many situations where helping others is absolutely the right thing to do. Helping others to stay in their 'story' and blame, defend or excuse certain behaviour is not one of those situations. That's when help isn't really help at all because people in those situations, people you care about, don't learn what personal responsibility is all about. There are many other ways to support them instead.

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.” ~ Jim Rohn

Conflict - get comfortable with it

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 02:06:00 GMT

Love it, hate it, avoid it, look for it or manage it. We all deal with conflict in different ways.Some times it even depends on the situation or who the conflict is with that has us handle it differently. Consider this from William James: “Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

That's the thing that helps us decide how we deal with conflict - the relationship and how it will be impacted. When we have a good relationship or are developing one we'll typically avoid conflict unless we believe it is strong enough to withstand some conflict.The trouble with this is that things are never perfect and conflict is always just around the corner.

Avoiding conflict is merely a temporary resolution but it does have an impact. If you avoid conflict you are probably bottling up some frustration and maybe even anger. The only one 'hurt' in this scenario is you since the other person is oblivious. Dealing with conflict is something we all have to learn how to do at some point.

How do you with conflict?

- Keep your emotions in check. This is the hardest part, when you can do this the rest is easy, it just takes practice.

- Find common ground. When things go wrong it's usually in the details. There is often something bigger that you can agree on. For example you might both agree that having a budget is financially wise. You may disagree on what's in the budget, how flexible the budget is, who manages the budget etc. So go back to the common ground - 'We both agree that a budget is a good thing' or 'We both agree we need to save $x by yy'

- Step down in the details. When you get stuck ask questions (NOT 'Why' questions - they make us defensive) to clarify and understand what the other person is wanting achieve.

- Be flexible. Is there a solution where you both get what you need (notice I didn't say want!). For example maybe you need to believe the other person is committed to budgeting and saving and maybe the other person needs to feel they have just a little control over some the choices for spending.

What do you do to manage conflict?

“The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.” ~ Carl Gustav Jung

Bored when busy - How's that possible?

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:24:00 GMT

How is it possible to be both bored and busy at the same time? You would think being busy means that you are working to achieve some outcome, some goal. If that is the case then it's hard to fathom being bored. Except of course if the goal is not your own or you can't buy into it, then it's just about doing things because you 'have to'.

Lou Holtz (American Football Coach) said: “If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.” I think he might be on to something.

When you work for someone else you usually continue to do it because you either buy into the goals of the company or you have your own goals you want to achieve which are complimentary - a certain position in the company, a certain level of pay, learning certain skills etc. When you work for yourself it's the same you have goals you want the business to achieve and goals you personally want to achieve. So if when we get bored could it be we feel like we have achieved our goals or maybe the goals aren't challenging enough.

What happens then? Set new goals! Even when you are working for someone else you can set new and challenging goals, don't wait for the boss to do it for you. They probably feel like their goals are challenging enough and assume the same is true for you. It really is up to each of us to find a way through the boredom.

Today I am setting myself some new goals. I refuse to be bored! What will you do when you find you are bored?

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ~ Dorothy Parker

Confindence - Is it really that simple?

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 01:49:00 GMT

What's the difference between someone who is successful or forging ahead with an idea or plan and someone who accepts what they have (perhaps wishing for something else?) or is reluctant to take a chance on something new? Is it skill? Money? Networks? Lack of ideas? Maybe. Maybe some of these, maybe all of them.

Or perhaps it's something else like confidence and patience? The confidence in oneself to just go for it and the patience to stick with it when it doesn't go according to plan or as fast as you'd like it to be.

“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.“ ~ Brian Adams

Does Brian have it right? Confidence in this context is not about ego or starting something on a whim. I'm talking about all of us who have a goal, maybe even the start of a plan. Perhaps we have even talked with or know who to talk to get a better handle on the risks and what it would take to make it work. But we haven't taken that step, that leap of faith in ourselves.

Confidence is a fickle friend. You only have to look at great sports people to see how confidence shows up for them. One minute they are on top of the world and the next they are struggling to keep up. They haven't lost their skills, they just can't find them when they need them. The self doubt creeps in and in the blink of eye, it's gone. The thing about great sports people though is that they keep coming back. They have patience and they do whatever they have to do to get back to their best.

Confidence is a state of mind. Something we can all control. We can decide to listen to our inner negative thoughts and to the 'naysayers' or we can choose to move through it by creating new positive thoughts and surrounding ourselves with people who lift us up.

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” ~ William James

When things get tense, what do you do?

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 06:12:00 GMT

I've spoken to so many people lately that are finding things really tough. At work things feel out of control - too much work; too many priorities and sometimes conflicting; and not enough resources, in fact people are leaving and not being replaced or it's just taking a long time to replace them. When they do get replaced they take a long time to get up to speed. It's a vicious cycle and it can put a lot of tension in the 'system'.

Where do you start? What can you do? A lot of the things that are happening are outside of your control even though they impact you significantly.The pressure is getting to you and it's starting to show. Add to that your motivation is low and you have people reporting to you or counting on you.

All in all it's not a pretty picture. Yet here you are. Consider what Rudyard Kipling said in his poem 'If': “If you can keep your wits about you while all others are losing theirs, and blaming you. . . . The world will be yours and everything in it, what's more, you'll be a man, my son.” It sounds easier said, then done. What I get out of this quote is is to stand tall, be confident, be accountable for what you can do and take responsibility to bring calm to the situation. Am I reading too much into it? Perhaps.

If you do all of this, is it enough or do you just end up taking on too much, working too many extra hours and eventually wind up where you started only more frustrated, tired and less likely to want to 'be a man'. Possible, especially if you take accountability and responsibility for things others need to. It's not about rescuing others, an easy trap to fall into.

It's about setting boundaries, like most things. Do what you can and maybe a little more, for a while. But doing it with clear goals in mind - an end point to the extra role for example; or until someone new has learned enough to take over. We all need to set and respect boundaries. Some times our boundaries get stretched and tested but they are still there.

Change the way you think about change

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 02:09:00 GMT

An organisation and its team are only as successful as it’s leader. And as crass as this sounds, ‘A fish rots from the head’ as they say. This is even truer when it comes to leading change.

The statistics about change aren’t pretty, only a 30% success rate (Kotter, 1995; PWC 2008). The critical barriers to change involve people (IBM 2008) – Changing mindsets and culture (58%); Corporate culture (49%); Complexity is underestimated; Lack of commitment of higher management (32%).

Conventional change management suggests addressing these behavioural and attitudinal changes by putting in place four basic conditions: a) a compelling story, b) role modelling, c) reinforcement systems, and d) the skills required for change.

So why aren’t the statistics better? Where do you start? Change, It’s Up To YOU! – A Leader’s Guide to Creating Lasting Organisational Change is a practical guide for creating real transformation and finally a great place to start and know that you will be supported on your journey.

I’ve taken the feedback and the above questions into account and further researched and written a book, which I believe has the answers. The contents of Change, It’s Up To YOU! – A Leader’s Guide to Creating Lasting Organisational Change, combines more than fifteen years experience leading and managing organizational change with the knowledge and experience of creating personal change to give the reader clear and concise answers. It cuts through the complexity that can surround change to give simple and practical solutions as well as tools for any leader involved in or considering a change effort.

“This insightful and practical guide is the perfect handbook when embarking on organisational change projects both large and small. It has sparked ideas, led to better communication within our team and made the process of leading change initiatives more effective.” ~ Luke Howes, CEO, MoneyBuddy.com.au

This book will change the way you think about change Buy it here!

There is also a companion workbook that you can work through as you read to create your own roadmap and follow as though you have the actual author right by your side. Buy it here!

The insanity of not learning

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 04:13:00 GMT

Albert Einstein said: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." So why is it that sometimes we can learn from what we have done and other times we just do the insane?

Strange isn't it. Do we just hope that the outcome was just a fluke and that surely if we do (or say) it again the outcome will change. Are we attached to the outcome that much that we simply can't believe it didn't go the way we thought it would? Perhaps it's just habit? Or maybe we just don't know how to change?

It seems no one is immune to this phenomena. Politicians get ousted as leader of their party only to later try and topple the very person, with the same team behind them. Children keep asking, by whining, to stay up late of for their parents to buy them a new game. Parents keep insisting their kids eat certain vegetables that are always left on the plate. Business leaders delegate change and complexity or are detached from the change yet they expect the changes to be made and better results. Yes, all sorts of people from all walks of life are prone to this type of insanity.

How do we make the insanity stop? One person at a time! That's right, it's up to each of us to break our own patterns and to help those we can, do the same. Try a different strategy/approach, you can't lose more than your sanity, right? Maybe you just need to tweak things a little or maybe you need to scrap it altogether and start fresh.

Where do you have something to learn? Start today and see how quickly your sanity returns!

Out with the old and in with the new

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 03:27:00 GMT

Whether you are cleaning out your closet, your shed or even your filing it can be hard to throw things out. Why? It's comfortable and familiar; We might need it some day; It cost a lot of money, who cares if it doesn't fit anymore! Out with the old and in with the new - it's not as easy as it sounds. Or, is it?

It's amazing just how much of a challenge it can be sometimes just to get rid of something we no longer really need. Oh we think we need it, but if we take the time to look close enough or hard enough we know we don't. The same is true of our habits.

“The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” ~Samuel Johnson

It's somewhat easier to think of bad habits when it comes to our health - smoking, eating too much junk food, driving when you could walk etc. What about other habits like - Always cutting someone because you think you 'know' what they are going to say? Being prepared to be angry at someone because you just know at some point they will do something to upset you? Always being late because you have things to do and others can wait? Constantly working through lunch instead of taking a break? Putting yourself down to others all the time? These are all habits because they are automatic reactions or actions.

Like cleaning out your closet, shed or filing it's good to take stock of your habits. Look at some of the ones you are hanging on to because they make you feel safe and the ones that really don't serve you anymore. What habits do you have that it's time to throw out? What will it take for you to create a new habit in it's place?

"Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones." ~ Stephen R. Covey