"The beauty of the past is that it is the past. The beauty of the now is to know it. The beauty of the future is to see where one is going." ~ Unknown

This is my last post for the year but I'll be back writing again early in the new year. I thought it my be a good time to reflect on what's happened in the past twelve months, where I am at the moment and also where I'm headed.

I'm not one who dwells on the past a lot and one of the unintended consequences of that is that I often forget what I've accomplished and the things I'd like to do differently going forward. My coach suggested an exercise or ritual to start the year fresh that I thought I'd share with you.

The first exercise is to sit down in a quiet spot, in your favourite place and write down all the things that you would like to have been different over the past twelve months. It could be anything from the way you communicate with someone or handle particular situations, a new job, saved more than you spent etc. Just keep writing until you have exhausted everything. Don't stop and critique it, it doesn't matter if you repeat things or if the grammar and spelling are correct, just write. Once you've done that then do something with the 'list' that symolises 'letting go' to you - you could burn it, flush it, bury it, put it in a bottle etc. whatever has meaning for you.

These first two things you do before midnight on the 31st of December. This next exercise you do in the new year.

The next exercise is to write down all the things you have accomplished and are proud of. Try wring for at least an hour. You'll be pleasantly surprised with everything you've done!

Finally start writing about what you want to do differently or achieve in the future. Be as descriptive as possible outlining not just what it is but also how you will know that you've done it and how you'll celebrate.

I wish you all safe a safe and happy holiday period and a healthy, fun and rewarding 2012!

"The distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." ~ Albert Einstein

Sometimes we forget things that we 'preach' or live by like - 'it's only hard because it's new', and are reminded under the oddest of circumstances.

I've been writing a book and am at the stage where I'm looking to find a printer so I have been contacting a few people to talk about options, costs etc. It's a bit like most things really, you can have the 'Rolls Royce' version that includes things you don't know if you really need or you can have your 'standard' version plus optional extras. Having understood (well, mostly understood) the inclusions I then began to explore the next steps and this is where my 'ah ha' moment came so unexpectedly. I was getting questions about the size of the book, the fold and bleed for the design, spine width etc. and I was lost. I blurted out 'wow this is hard isn't it' and too my surprise the calming response on the other end of the phone came - don't worry it's only hard because it's new!

I just stopped in my tracks when I realised that I was starting to get stressed and resist what was happening. I gave my shoulders a bit of a shake, smiled and carried on. Because I realised in that moment that she was right, the insight was right and the most important thing was that I understand what was needed so I could get my book printed. My next book printing would be so much easier because it wouldn't be new.

This lady wanting to help me simply reframed the way I was feeling and provided a great presupposition - her statement first presupposed I would write and therefore be printing another book and that it wouldn't be hard because it would no longer be new to me. Two very powerful ways to help anyone get unstuck and move forward with less resistance. I'm very thankful for the timely reminder.

It's amazing how a few words said at the right time in a way that conveys genuine interest in helping the other person can have such an impact.

"Do not wait until conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect." ~ Alan Cohen

Do you tend to focus on your own and others strengths or weaknesses? Most people would probably say they focus on the weaknesses with a view to improving them or turning them into strengths. You'd be amongst the huge majority of managers, teachers, parents etc. In fact in most companies, the primary purpose of their performance reviews is to point out the gaps that need work.

The question is - does this really work? What if in fact you focused on peoples strengths. Finding ways to utilise and build on those capabilities. What would happen?

Think about yourself for a moment. When you are not able to use your strengths do you achieve less? Dread going to work? Are you less creative and more negative? The answer is probably yes. Apart from you being miserable, the impact on your colleagues, boss, company and even friends is also a 'less than positive' experience!

At this point you are probably thinking. 'Yes, I hear what you are saying...BUT - if we only focused on strengths then we wouldn't 'grow' and become well rounded!' You have heard the expression - 'Jack of all trades, master of none'. That tends to happen when we try and do everything, even the things we aren't so good at. How many people do you know that were terrible at sports who went on to be great sports people? Or people terrible with numbers who become great accountants or bankers? Not many I expect.

I'm not suggesting you always ignore what you or others are weak at (well sometimes it is probably the right thing to do). I'm suggesting at the very least you spend time continuing to develop and utilise strengths.

What do you think? Work on overcoming weaknesses or developing strengths?

"Most people think they know what they are good at. They are usually wrong...And yet, a person can perform only from strength." ~ Peter Drucker

What we think about is one of the single most powerful influences on the outcome of a situation, this is one of the most significant ways we can influence what we experience in our lives and what we get as a consequence of our thinking. The way we feel and think (our state) also effects others. For that reason we can take control of the effect we are having on others.

Anchors are a way in which we influence the way we lead ourselves and others. An anchor is an association we make. For example a song, a smell, a touch or even a picture can all remind us of an emotion - happy, sad, powerful, relaxed, stressed, confident etc.

Imagine if you could recall the positive state you want when you want. For example you have to make a presentation or talk you might want to be confident and relaxed. If you have to have a tough conversation with someone you might want to feel decisive and empathetic.

Imagine also how recalling a particular state can impact others. For example feeling relaxed and receptive when someone is giving you feedback. Feeling energetic and positive when in meetings etc.

To create an anchor you need to do or say something and repeat it a few times. Think about a great team building meeting or activity or even a conference you've been to. Often music is used to anchor a positive state. It's the same upbeat song that gets people humming along, relaxed or pumped up in a state of alertness. When you can't use music then use a word/phrase or gesture.

We are anchoring people all the time. Are you anchoring them in a resourceful or un-resourceful way?

"There is nothing either good or bad, except that thinking makes it so." ~ William Shakespeare

We have known for ages that laughter has the ability to change the way we feel. It lowers stress, increases immunity and decreases blood pressure. We feel better when we laugh. Can laughter be a mechanism for change?

What happens when we have a problem? We think about it. We think about it all the time. We may even talk about it. We get caught up in the problem getting farther away from how we really want things to be. Being able to laugh at ourselves or the situation can help us take on a different perspective. When we laugh we change the way we experience something, it affects the way we think. Laughter interrupts our patterns.

"There is little success where there is little laughter." ~ Andrew Carnegie

How often do you laugh at yourself? And, how often could you laugh at yourself! Do you use laughter to help others change perspective? You've probably done it without even realising it.

When someone comes to you with a problem they have clearly been thinking about a lot, something they are heavily invested in like someone else at work that doesn't do what they are supposed to do or gets on their nerves etc. how can you use laughter to help them see a different perspective and interrupt their pattern?

First of all it's important that you care about the other person and have the intent of helping them and also have rapport with them. Then you can use any number of ways like copying or mimicking their behaviour in an exaggerated way e.g. if someone is waving their hands about and screwing up their face when they talk about someone they have a problem with then do the same only more extreme. You can also do this with words versus actions by generalising e.g. if they say their 'boss is hopeless he never notices anything' then you could respond with 'Well, yes all bosses, everywhere and all the time, are all hopeless, especially men!'. Give outrageous reasons to hang on to the problem or make outrageous and insane suggestions on how they can overcome the problem.

There are so many ways to use humour to get ourselves and others to change our perspective and make the changes necessary to move forward.

Try it today! I'd love to hear the ways you use humour as a mechanism for change.

“Beyond the world of rightdoings and wrongdoings is a field. I'll meet you there.” ~ Rumi

Perspective means understanding the relative importance of things or having a sense of proportion. Why is that so important as a leadership skill? Imagine the leader who reacts to absolutely everything they see or hear. They see sales dip for one day so they change the entire strategy. They don't look at the cause or take the time to understand what else is going on and the impact that might be having. Being able to put things into perspective creates calm and focus in an organization. It gives us understanding and provides choice to proceed in a way that is most effective.

There are three primary ways to create perspective. The first way is to look at things from our point of view 'in our own shoes'. We all know how to do this. This is where we think about what it is like for us - how we feel or think; what we want; what we see or hear. From this position we can experience the problem or situation from our perspective. Of course if this is the only perspective we ever take we wont understand others very well.

The second way is to look at and understand things from the other person's point of view 'in their shoes'. It's more than just thinking about what it must be like to be the other person. We have to have experience the situation from their shoes - what has to be true for them to behave the way they are? What do they see? What do they hear? What do they feel?

The third way is to be the observer, detached from the situation. Be 'the fly on the wall'. See yourself and the other person - what can you learn? This is where you can learn and analyse the dynamic that is going on. You get to see the big picture versus the murky details.

Where do you spend most of your time? What will you do more of to help you develop more perspective?

"If you wish to be fully alive you must develop a sense of perspective. Life is infinitely greater than this trifle your heart is attached to and which you have given the power to so upset you." ~ Anthony de Mello

Do you believe all change is hard or does it depend on what's changing, who's suggesting the change etc.?

Change is hard when...

- it is thrust upon us

- you cannot find a good reason to change

- you cannot see what benefit you will get from change

- you like what you have an are uncertain that you will like the change

- the person(s) telling you to change are not committed to the change or 'walking the talk'

- expectations are unclear 

- it is managed badly

These are just a few of the reasons I've seen and heard. The hypothesis then would be that change can in fact be easy if all of these things are addressed. It seems reasonable enough.

On an individual level it could well be true that change is easy. What about at a company level where there are many individuals dealing with change? As individuals we are all different and experience and accept change at a different pace. Companies are made up of many individuals. So can we reasonably expect change to be easy on a company level? I'm going to go with 'yes' assuming all the things that make change hard are addressed for individuals in the company. Will it take deliberate planning and action? Yes. Will it require vigilance by management to stay in touch, communicate and be willing to engage with their team and be in engaged in the change? Yes.

What are your thoughts about why change is hard or whether in fact it can be easy?

"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up." ~ James Belasco and Ralph Stayer Flight of the Buffalo (1994)