Albert Einstein said: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." So why is it that sometimes we can learn from what we have done and other times we just do the insane?

Strange isn't it. Do we just hope that the outcome was just a fluke and that surely if we do (or say) it again the outcome will change. Are we attached to the outcome that much that we simply can't believe it didn't go the way we thought it would? Perhaps it's just habit? Or maybe we just don't know how to change?

It seems no one is immune to this phenomena. Politicians get ousted as leader of their party only to later try and topple the very person, with the same team behind them.  Children keep asking, by whining, to stay up late of for their parents to buy them a new game. Parents keep insisting their kids eat certain vegetables that are always left on the plate.  Business leaders delegate change and complexity or are detached from the change yet they expect the changes to be made and better results. Yes, all sorts of people from all walks of life are prone to this type of insanity.

How do we make the insanity stop? One person at a time! That's right, it's up to each of us to break our own patterns and to help those we can, do the same. Try a different strategy/approach, you can't lose more than your sanity, right? Maybe you just need to tweak things a little or maybe you need to scrap it altogether and start fresh.

Where do you have something to learn? Start today and see how quickly your sanity returns!

Whether you are cleaning out your closet, your shed or even your filing it can be hard to throw things out. Why? It's comfortable and familiar; We might need it some day; It cost a lot of money, who cares if it doesn't fit anymore! Out with the old and in with the new - it's not as easy as it sounds. Or, is it?

It's amazing just how much of a challenge it can be sometimes just to get rid of something we no longer really need. Oh we think we need it, but if we take the time to look close enough or hard enough we know we don't. The same is true of our habits.

“The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” ~Samuel Johnson

It's somewhat easier to think of bad habits when it comes to our health - smoking, eating too much junk food, driving when you could walk etc. What about other habits like - Always cutting someone because you think you 'know' what they are going to say? Being prepared to be angry at someone because you just know at some point they will do something to upset you? Always being late because you have things to do and others can wait? Constantly working through lunch instead of taking a break? Putting yourself down to others all the time? These are all habits because they are automatic reactions or actions.

Like cleaning out your closet, shed or filing it's good to take stock of your habits. Look at some of the ones you are hanging on to because they make you feel safe and the ones that really don't serve you anymore. What habits do you have that it's time to throw out? What will it take for you to create a new habit in it's place?

"Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones." ~ Stephen R. Covey

I'm one of those people who don't like to think about things going wrong. That doesn't mean I don't consider the risks. Am I an optimist? A realist? Naive? Perhaps. I figure if I start something thinking I will fail then I surely will and I may as well not start it at all. I also believe that things happen for a reason, even when it's not something good. It might take a while to find out what that is and sometimes I may never figure it out.

When something goes wrong we have a number ways we can handle it. We can - Give up; try again; get mad; get even; get discouraged; get encouraged; etc. Sometimes we might have different responses for different situations e.g. we might be encouraged when something goes wrong when we are experimenting with cooking and we might get discouraged when we get knocked back when presenting an idea we have. It depends a lot on how invested we are in the situation or outcome (e.g. 'our idea') and how much 'failure' we choose to tolerate in order to succeed (e.g. cooking).

What we do when things go wrong says a lot about us - How we pick ourselves up and keep moving forward; How we learn from our experience. We learn more about ourself and others from what we do when things go wrong then when they go right. Not doing things because we are more worried about what could wrong versus what happens if it all goes well says even more about us.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while DARING GREATLY so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory or defeat. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

We've all had those moments where we are talking away and suddenly we get a reaction we weren't expecting. That reaction could be the other person - switching off, looking angry or distracted, a sudden verbal attack, silence when you expected a response, etc. And in these moments you are left wondering - what just happened? What did I say or do to get that reaction?

"Speech is the mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so he is." ~ Publilius Syrus

Let me share an example of words that irritate me - 'should' and 'but'. When I hear the word should as in 'you should....' the hair on the back of my neck stands. Seems like a pretty innocent word, perhaps even one you use all the time to motivate yourself e.g. 'I should get out of bed now so I get in some exercise before work' or 'I should finish this paperwork so I can start on my new project'. So why does it have that reaction for me? Well for me the word implies - I hadn't had the sense to think of it, or that I'm incapable of figuring it out etc. Strange, I know, that words can have such different impacts on us. I'd rather hear words like 'need' or 'want'.

The word 'but' is possibly a more common irritant - 'yes, but..' or 'good, but..' it just makes me feel inadequate somehow.I'd much rather have the 'but' replaced with 'and'. Does it change the intent of the person communicating maybe, maybe not. It does change how I respond and communication is the response that it gets.

Of course it could be that I'm just some freak of nature that is too sensitive. The thing is we all use language that we motivates and engages us, we just assume it will have the same impact on others. Sometimes it will. Next time you seem to get someone agitated when you weren't expecting too, think about your choice of words. How does it compare with the words the other person uses? Can you notice the 'offending' words?

Does this mean you have to change the way you speak? It depends how important the relationship is and whether you are happy with communication. If the word 'should' motivates you that means that's the word you want to hear when others communicate with you. To motivate others (or not aggravate them), finding words they respond well too may make all the difference.

Given, communication is one of the biggest reasons relationships (business, friends, family, partners, children) fail - it's food for thought.

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." ~ Dorothy Nevill

I have lost count of the number of times I have heard people say to me 'my boss says I need to be more strategic' or that they got feedback suggesting they were 'great at executing plans, building teamwork  or developing their people, but are just not strategic enough.' What does that really mean? The people giving the feedback are well intended, the problem is the people receiving the feedback aren't clear about what specifically they need to change.

There are at least two elements to being strategic - strategic action i.e. what you do, how you behave; and strategic planning i.e. what you think and what you know. These are quite different. So the first thing I get people to do is to find out which area they need to improve on by requesting more specific feedback and examples of where they were expected to demonstrate this or an example of what someone else has done.

Strategic planning - learn about your business, customers, consumers, your link and impact on other parts of the business, products, processes, etc. Everyone should do this because no one can work and succeed in a vacuum. The thinking part is about looking for patterns and connections; considering both long term and short term impact; understand implications not just from your own shoes but the shoes of your boss or customer or other functions etc. it's about perspective and looking at the bigger picture.

Strategic action - Have you developed and shared your vision? Are you creating long term plans that you and your team can build action around and make plans? Are you communicating what you know and what you think and the basis for them?

“Strategic planning is worthless -- unless there is first a strategic vision.” ~ John Naisbitt

We've all been in this situation. We have a problem, a project, an idea etc. that we share we people and suddenly we have a whole range of opinions, suggestions, reasons why we should o should not proceed etc. Most of them given by well-meaning friends, family or colleagues. What do you do with it all? How do you manage them without offending? This can be tricky.

 “A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” ~ Kenneth A. Wells

That's the first thing we can do - listen to what others have to say, be curious about where the intent, ask questions to clarify and understand. 

The next thing to consider might be how what you have heard fits with the outcome you want. Perhaps the opinion itself may not hold anything of value but what you gather from your questions might give you new information or a perspective you had not thought of before.

This is pretty straight forward, you probably do this all the time. The tricky part, I find, is when you disagree or when opinions that have no basis in fact or that there can be action for, just keep coming repeatedly. They might even start to get in the way of you making progress.

I haven't found a single way of handling this. The reason is because there is usually a different reason people give their opinion - they have had a 'similar' previous experience; they just want to be heard; they believe giving you an opinion is their 'value-add' to the situation or your development; etc. You might get this understanding when you ask questions but you also may not.

What do you do then? Some things that I've tried:

- Thank them for their input. Sometimes I add that I will consider what they have said

- When opinions and ideas are about things that 'should have or could have' happened i.e. it is about the past. I get them refocused on the present and what we can influence or can control.

- Clarify the outcome/objective/goal and ask for ideas and opinions to be focused on that

- When someone is trying to be heard or feel included I try and find them a role or have them come back with facts/action etc. to support their opinion or ideas.

What do you do?

“The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a wide-spread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible” ~ Bertrand Russell

How is it that we can have the patience of a saint in one situation and then can completely lose it in others? Patience is the acceptance or tolerance of a situation. Pretty straight forward in it's definition. It implies self-control and discipline. Skills that most of us have in at least come part of our lives. Perhaps we are really patient with children and not so much with spouses. Or maybe we are really patient with our employees but not with our bosses or colleagues. Sometimes we are patient when it comes to waiting in line but not we we are stuck in traffic. Why is that?

I know for example I am very patient when it comes to teaching someone something new or explaining an idea or concept but then there are situations when that just goes completely out the window. So I know that I know how to be patient, I'm not lacking that skill, so why can't I be consistent? What triggers the difference? One thing I can think of is - expectations.

For example I have an expectation that I will get a good level of service from banks that have had my money for many years or for telco providers that tout service as a key differential to competitors with cheaper plans. When I don't get even the basis of service, let alone flexibility I tend to lose my patience. Is it wrong to have this expectation? No. Do I have a right to be unhappy or even frustrated by the service. Yes. Is it wrong for me to lose my patience with the customer service rep? Probably. It doesn't do me any good it just makes the whole experience less pleasant. The service rep just shrugs it off and moves on to the next call while I'm left chewing over it. Who suffers? I do.

What should I do? Meditate? Take a deep breath? Count to 10? Possibly. The one thing I certainly know I can do is to remember what's important. Or as Richard Carlson says: "Don't sweat the small stuff". In other words step back and put things into perspective.

Perhaps patience is a journey where we are continually tested along the way. Maybe it's about practice and continuing to recognise the triggers. Or Maybe it's a virtue that only 'Job' had.

What are your thoughts?