What does 'being authentic' mean to you? To me it means being true to my needs and reams. I don't mean being selfish of course, although sometimes it might feel like that, especially if you don't do it often. Because it sometimes takes you outside your comfort zone. So how does that play out? For me it means not taking on a job or career that I'm not passionate about simply to make someone else happens. It means that if I don't like a situation I'm in then rather than complain I have to be the one to do something about it. It also means being honest rather than doing or saying something because we think it is protecting the other person.

As you can see every example has a 'flip side' as well as extremes. Getting balance right between say being tactless and speaking my mind can be delicate. 

Why is it so important to be authentic? After all, many people go through life wearing different 'masks' i.e. the 'work you', the 'family you', the 'friends you' etc. and it seems to work. Does it build trust in relationships? Does it inspire you? Are you free to be 'you'? Can you expect it from others if you aren't being authentic yourself?

Consider this from Victoria J. Reynolds: “Being authentic is the ability to be true to oneself. Living an authentic life requires the ability to be true to our own wants, needs and desires and not live our lives by the opinion of others. Being authentic is the ability to make self-honoring choices and stand firmly in who we are in our core. Being true to ourselves gives us the insight and compassion to see others for who they are, not who we expect them to be. It frees us up from the judgment of ourselves and others and it gives others the freedom to be themselves as well.”

She creates a nice picture doesn't she. I'd say based on the above I'm a 'healthy work in progress'. How about you?

There are so many things in life we cannot control. We can't control what the boss says or does, we can't control how someone speaks to us, we can't control people, situations or things. Put simply we can't control something external to us. We can however influence it! What's the difference you might be thinking. When we try and control things we impose our will e.g. we 'instruct' versus have a discussion; we can get agitated, restless, rude and even aggressive when we try and control something versus calm, excited and assertive.

"You do not lead by hitting people over the head — that's assault, not leadership." ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

Why do we try to control things? Sometimes it's because we believe it's the only way we can get things done. So if we agree that there are some things we simply cannot control then do we simply concede? Yes and No. We concede we can't change people, situations and things but we can control how we react or respond and our own behaviour - not pointing fingers or casting blame or finding fault or playing victim. We can also shift our attention to things that we can influence.

What can we influence - our behaviour, the way communicate, the way we listen, the way we think about a problem, the choices and decisions we make etc. We can influence all of these things. A much wiser way to spend our energy, don't you think? I am in charge of my mind and therefore my results!

"Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it." ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

Is this something you believe? It's an interesting one because if you really examine it closely it means that whatever experience we have - good, bad, happy or sad - we create it. Our experience is what goes on inside our head not the actual event or situation.

We have free will, that means we can choose how we want to feel or what state we want to be in. These choices are based on our values, our past experiences, our assumptions etc., all of which we have collected over time.

What does this mean? Well think of a movie star like Jack Black or a Tennis star like Novak Djokovic - you either like them or you don't. What's this based on? Well unless you have met them personally then it is based on what you see, hear or read about them. You are interpreting an event deciding how it makes you feel. Let's say you saw Djokovic in a tennis match one time some time ago and you didn't like something he said or did, you probably avoid watching his games or if you watch you barrack for the other person or just get annoyed with everything he does. So here you are getting frustrated or avoiding matches he plays in even though you really want to watch the other person play, and who is having this experience? You are, and perhaps your family and friends who have to live with you in this state, certainly not Djokovic, he is happily playing his tennis. You have created this experience and since you have created it, you can also change it!

What are you experiencing right now? How are you interpreting events external to you? If you don't like it, change it!

“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.” ~ Stephen R. Covey

Best Practice is a way of doing things that is considered the most effective because it has consistently shown good results. When implemented it is a routine that is followed. McDonalds for example is built on many best practices to ensure consistent quality and service at each and every store, for every customer. There are examples in every industry in fact you probably have your own 'best practice' for things you do in your personal life.

A best practice can only remain a best practice firstly if it is implemented and followed and secondly if it is constantly reviewed for continuous improvement. Searching within and even across industries for the latest and most effective practice is required to keep up with changes in technology and keep standards high.

So why would having and following a best practice be a 'bad' thing? Think of a best practice you have or one that you follow in your company. Has it ever been reviewed or updated? Is it always followed exactly as documented? Are you following it blindly because it yielded good results in the past even though the results don't seem to be as good now? Has it just become a habit that goes unchallenged? Sticking to an outdated best practice can be an excuse for not changing things, it may not even be a conscious choice.

By all means have best practices for administration quality and service, keep them updated and 'fresh'. Just be sure to challenge them every now and them to be sure you are not just 'stuck'.

Is there a difference between commitment and loyalty when to employees and the company they work for? Is it a two way street?

Well according to the dictionary loyalty is a strong feeling of support or allegiance and commitment is being dedicated to a cause or activity. Similar but somehow different.

Let's start with loyalty. It's hard for a company to show as much loyalty as an employee. They have to manage shareholder expectations and do what is right for the business which some times making a choice to do what is needed to protect the company or make people happy. Loyalty can also become a barrier or even cause resistance to change as we try to continue behaviour that has got us results previously.

Commitment, now here's where the difference is. Even when there are tough choices to be made leadership, companies and employees can be committed. It's harder to be committed but it also can yield more results. Unlike loyalty commitment can leaders also increases commitment in employees. This is especially true during times of change. When you are committed to something it gives it meaning. Nobody will follow a leader who does not care or is not committed to what they are doing or asking others to do.

Are you loyal or committed?

"People do not follow uncommitted leaders. Commitment can be displayed in a full range of matters to include the work hours you choose to maintain, how you work to improve your abilities, or what you do for your fellow workers at personal sacrifice." ~ Stephen Gregg, Chairman and CEO of Ethix Corp.

I remember at school when on one of my report cards it said "If Therese focused more on the lessons versus talking with her classmates she would get better grades" Who knew the advice we got from such a young age in a school report, would be advice we should live by!

Brian Tracy takes this advice and makes it even more specific and actionable. He says, “The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.” So not just focusing, but focusing on the 'right' things, is the key to success.

It's true though, let me show you. Remember a time you were thinking about a person and all of a sudden they called you? Or when you were concentrating on 'not getting tongue tied' on a date and of course, you did. Maybe these exact examples don't resonate with you but I bet if you ponder it for a while you'll come up with heaps of examples of your own. What you focus on is what you get to the exclusion of everything else, so focus on something positive!

Are you one of these people that loves the 'shiny and new' and gets easily distracted or are you someone who is focused to the exclusion of everything and everyone else? Perhaps you are in between.

When I find myself getting distracted I turn my phone on silent, turn of my email, I make lists and use my calendar to break things I want to do into smaller tasks and smaller blocks of time, I take regular breaks. What do you do to get focused?

"If I look confused, it's because I'm thinking." ~ Samuel Goldwyn

A second chance, something we have all wished for at different times in our lives - A chance to make a different choice; To get a different outcome; To grab hold of an opportunity that passed you by; To right a wrong.

Luckily they do happen and they probably occur more often then we think. It might be disguised as a different situation or problem but it's another chance.

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.” ~ Mary Pickford 

I'm all for second chances although sometimes it feels harder than it should to give it to someone. It becomes that much harder when emotions are involved. Hurt feelings, anger, disappoint, frustration etc. they all impact our judgement and our actions. Some times it's not even that particular persons fault we've just made assumptions based on our experience or what we believe they'll do with another chance. Or worse, we don't someone a second chance because we weren't given one at some point.

Next time a second chance comes your way, even if it's not the one you were expecting, grab it with both hands. Better still, think about someone that really needs a second chance and give it to them.

Empathy - to understand and share the feelings of others; to walk in another persons shoes. How important is it to have empathy? Does it depend e.g. at work versus with children? I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's important no matter the circumstance. Granted some situations or roles (e.g. customer service, nursing etc.) might require more of it more often but I think to be successful it's something we all need.

“If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” ~ Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)

What are the traits of empathy? - agreeableness (willingness to compromise or agree to something), extraversion, curiosity, good listener. Are women better at it then men? Is it nature or nurture that determines ones ability for empathy? Psychologists I expect would say nature definitely has a role to play because some mental disorders take away the ability for empathy. That aside we can assume that we all have the capacity for empathy. Women are likely more predisposed to demonstrating empathy perhaps due to the 'mothering instinct'. Perhaps what makes any of us seemingly better or worse is our ability to develop and nurture the specific traits.

In a professional environment companies describe empathy in different ways like - creating a win/win situation; effective two way communication; openness to new experiences; strong listening skills; etc. Can you have empathy in every situation? What about managing a performance issue? I'd say yes, and yes. It's certainly harder in some situations so listening more intently, being curious, imaging how you would feel in a similar situation etc. are all things we can learn and practice. In fact these are the types situations you need empathy the most and some times it's also when it eludes us. Why? Because it involves feelings we usually try and avoid.

“If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” ~ Daniel Goleman 

We all have those times that we wish we could take back. Those times when we just felt compelled to say something and then wished we hadn't. Sadly none of us are immune to this 'condition' - politicians, leaders and managers, parents, partners, and on it goes. It's often made worse because of technology and instant communication these days.

“Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact.” ~ George Eliot

How do you just 'say nothing' when someone or something has got the hair on the back of your neck standing? When you are angry or feeling like you need to go on the defensive it's not so easy to just 'bite your lip'. This is especially true when you are heavily invested in the outcome - for example someone is criticising your pet project or a decision you made. The same applies when it is (or feels like it is) a personal attack.

When there is time you can do many things - remind yourself it's not personal (it's not all about you, all the time), listen for the intent, reframe the comment, ignore the comment all together, etc. What about when there is only a 'split second'? What then? Take a deep breath, smile (that's right, smile!) and say nothing.

Perhaps you are reading this thinking, 'no this isn't me I find it easier to say nothing then to say something'. On the one hand a good skill to have. On the other nobody gets to know you or your ideas. Imagine having the ability to do both at will! Perhaps you already can, if so, share your ideas!

“Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it” ~ Robert Frost

This is a subject most companies and individuals struggle to define, measure or even impact. Why is it hard to define? Because while the definition might be clear i.e. an appropriate balance between work and life the interpretation can vary significantly.

Consider a newly promoted manager or the owner of a new small business. They are eager to learn eager to make an impact. They have a huge amount of energy and enthusiasm and often choose to come in early or stay late. Do they have a good work-life balance? Or how about the CEO who is basically on call 24/7, heavy travel and meeting schedules as well. Do they have a good work-life balance? The answer will depend on the individual. I know people in these situations who say they enjoy themselves the way it is and other who obviously would rather change it. What's the difference then? How we choose to spend the time we have.

Stephen R. Covey's 7th habit is about sharpening the saw - "renewing the four dimensions of our nature". These four dimensions are Mental (reading, writing, visualising, planning); Physical (exercise, nutrition, stress management); Social/emotional (Service, empathy, Synergy, intrinsic security); Spiritual (Value clarification & commitment, study & meditation). It's about looking after ourselves. Creating balance in our lives.

So how do we sharpen our saw or improve our work-life balance? We make choices! We have to be proactive - set goals and schedule time for things in each of the four dimensions. No one else will do this for us! Sounds simple right? So why don't more of us do it? A fear or perception that our boss, for example, might think we aren't working hard enough?

Is it always this seemingly black and white? What about the situation where there really is too much work or your boss demands more than can be realistically expected of anyone. I think you know my answer, what do you think?

"Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things...I am tempted to think...there are no little things," ~ Bruce Barton