In my last post I referenced Amy Morin’s “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” so in this and the coming posts I'm going to tackle some ideas around just exactly 'how' you can do these things. This week I'm covering - Moving on and Keeping Control.
Move On - this is not about ignoring what happens (a bad choice, a mistake etc.) or pretending it didn't happen. In fact the first thing to do if you want to move on is to acknowledge that it happened, not bury it a way or worse hold on to it so tight it affects what we do and how we feel from then on. The second thing we can do is view the situation as if it were happening to someone else - what would you say to them? Reminding ourselves that we are all human, we all make mistakes or poor choices at times but those things do not define us as 'hopeless' or any other label, they simply happened. The third thing we can do is to take a beat and learn from what happened so we can do things differently moving forward. We could ask for example - knowing what I know now, what would I change about...?
Keep Control - this is not about micro managing or forcing things to go our way or things of this nature, because apart from being a huge effort and mentally exhausting it's just not possible (even for dictators). This is about controlling the way we react to what's happening and keeping focused on the things we can actually control - it's about exercising choice. If 'the company' decides to change something at work that you really don't like. You could try and control things by refusing to do it, actively getting others to not do it, ignoring it etc. The only thing this is likely to achieve is a poor review at best or putting yourself out of a job. The alternative is to look at the change and try and understand what the benefits would be (ask questions) to you as well as the company, to find out if you can input to how the change happens or other elements etc. i.e. become part of it to create influence. If you can't see a benefit you can choose to move on to another department or company. Even with this choice you could opt to go out with a bang and risk damaging your reputation or you could exit gracefuly. Things happen that we can't control - we get sick, we get made redundant, we get overlooked for a promotion etc. We can choose, as mentally strong people do, to learn and move on, measure our emotions and make good choices that actually help us to move forward. Or, we can get mad, get even, let it all just 'happen too us' etc.
It all sounds easier enough but it can often be toughier to do, especially when you are in that moment. #bechangefit decide to give it a go, start now so that when you get that curve ball or unexpected speed bump you wont be so overwhelmed or feel so helpless.